Why Regret Has No Place In The Life You Desire

We have all had those moments that are laced with regret, even when we like to pretend we don't.

Do you know the specific type of regret you have experienced or how it can affect you?

Today, we are talking about the three types of regret and how we can overcome them, so we don't destroy our lives.

What Is Regret?

Regret is a negative emotional state that involves us blaming ourselves for a bad outcome. It can be accompanied by a sense of loss or sorrow or wishing you could have done things differently.

Everyone regrets something, and there is no shame at all in having regrets.

Regret also looks different for everyone, and everyone regrets different things.

First Type Of Regret  

This type of regret is regretting something you did. With this type of regret, we can often let it consume us.

When we suffer from this type of regret, we have difficulty moving on. Not being able to move on keeps us stuck in the past.

One of the goals of living the life you want is not to be stuck in the past but to appreciate history and be fully functional in the present moment.

Here is the thing about this type of regret. You cannot appreciate yourself and where you currently are because you are so focused on the past and your past decisions.

A part of living the life you want and getting to the place you want to be, you need to express gratitude for your experiences.

Sometimes, things have happened because they need to happen to get to the moment of today.

I spent a significant amount of time contemplating things I had done and why I did them in the manner, I did. This kept me from enjoying where I was at that moment and understanding and appreciating everything happening around me.

I was stuck in this place for quite some time, and when I thought I had moved on, I would find myself right back in the hall of regret.

It took me finding a coach who would point out when I was in the hall of regret and then pulling me out. 

Because I no longer spend time regretting the things I've done, I can enjoy all of my experiences in the present moment and appreciate those moments for all they are.

How To Stop Regretting Things You’ve Done

Become mindful of the present. The past is gone, and you cannot change it. Understand the only thing that matters is where you are and what you are doing presently.

Yes, it will take some work, primarily if you have been used to meditating in the past. When you find yourself drifting to thoughts of things you've done, quickly snap out of it.

If it makes it easy for you, literally snap your fingers and look around you and appreciate all of the things you currently have going on.

Stop giving time and energy to the past.

Second Type Of Regret

The second type of regret is regretting the things you didn’t do. We all have things we have not done even though we wanted to.

These are the what-if regrets because we don't know what would have happened if we did whatever is we didn't do it.

You know the ones. What if I had traveled the world before having children? What if I waited until my 30s to get married?

You try to rationalize how things would have been better if you had done XYZ, but the truth is you have no way of knowing if it would be better or worse.

You only know what has happened and how those things have shaped and affected your life. Thinking about what could have been added unnecessary stress to your life, we ultimately want to eliminate stress and the things that cause it.

Think about it like this. The thing you regret not doing presents itself to you again, and this time you do it, but instead of it having the outcome you thought it would have, it has the complete opposite, and now you can't dig yourself out of this hole. Your life begins to spiral out of control until you no longer recognize it or yourself.

The trajectory of your life completely changed because you couldn't stop obsessing over something you didn’t do.

How To Stop Regretting Things You’ve Never Done

Learn to be okay with not doing something. The things we experience will happen when they are to happen. Just like the old saying, you can't miss something you never had.

Keep in mind that just because you haven't done something, it doesn't mean that your life is any less valuable or that you will never do it. The value of life is whatever value you give to it. Providing value to the things you didn't do diminishes the value of the things you've done.

Show gratitude for your life exactly where it is and be okay with how things are going.

Third Type Of Regret

The third type of regret is regretting the things you can never do. This is the type of regret that will continue to haunt you if you let it. Unfortunately, in life, there will be situations where there is absolutely nothing you can do.

You will try to rationalize these things to make it seem like there is something you can do, but the reality is there is not, and there is nothing you can do to change it. 

An example of this type of regret is when a woman has a miscarriage. Often, the woman will go through rationalizing all the things she could have done differently to prevent the miscarriage.

But, the fact of the matter is there is no way for her to change the situation.  Nothing she could’ve done would change the outcome.

Falling into the pattern of regret can cause a mental breakdown which can be hard to recover.

How To Stop Regretting The Things You Can Never Do

Allow yourself the space to grieve. I use the word grieve because that is what we do when we feel we lost something.

In these instances, you need time to process the emotions attached to things you will never do.

Once you finished grieving, think about everything you can do and what you would like to do. Create a list of those things and start doing them. 

It is not a replacement for what you will never do because those things are irreplaceable. But it is good to focus your energy on the things you can control.

Life doesn't stop because we may have regrets. Life keeps going, and it's up to us to continue living and doing the things we set out to do instead of sulking and worrying about the opportunities we missed.

Let go of your regrets and begin to live your life on your terms.