React Vs. Response
Are you still reacting versus responding? No matter the journey you're on in life reacting, who always keep you from getting to the desired place you want to go.
By the time we get to the end of this post, you will know the difference between reacting and responding, and you'll have a new technique and how to handle situations. What is a reaction? Our reaction is just that you react to something.
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You do not think about what you're getting ready to do or say you do it. It comes from a place of the ego because, at that moment, you feel hurt for whatever reason. So you think you need to strike back. That is what a reaction is. There's no logic, and there's no thought process. You don't even care if you hurt someone or their feelings at that moment when you are reacting.
Think of an allergic reaction. You eat something you're not supposed to eat, and your body reacts with hives, or you get swollen. That is what a reaction is just in a person to person contact. Someone says something or does something you do not like. You don't stop.
You don't think about it.
You swell up and want to go after that person or hurt that person, the way that they hurt you, that is what a reaction.
What is the response?
A response is peaceful. It is the opposite of a reaction.
It's slow. It's thought out.
It doesn't intend to hurt anybody.
It is often polite. But it's also a teachable moment for some.
I had the perfect example for all of us.
I know we've all gotten an email once or twice or even a text. We've looked at that email or text and thought. Who do they (the author of the text or email) think they are. But instead of responding with that reaction, we took out time and thought about how we would react to the attacks, the words we would say, the tone we would use so that we didn't come off as reacting
. We responded.
So the response is thought about it's slow. It's methodical. Here is another example. I have two children, two boys and boys like to throw balls in the house. We tell our children not to throw balls in the home. Even though they know not to throw the ball, they do it anyway. Something gets broken.
If I were reacting to that situation, I would start yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs. Making them feel bad for what they did and possibly making them feel worse actually, and not coming up with a solution or using it as a moment to fully understand why they're not supposed to throw the ball in the house.
That is what a reaction would be in that situation. Now, if I were responding in that situation, I would talk to my children. Even after they've knocked something over and broke it, I would take a minute for myself. And to be honest with you, I didn't learn to do this until I was on my second child.
So it's not automatic, especially when we are so used to reacting. I have taken a moment for myself to think about the whole situation. Thinking about how I can handle things differently instead of just blowing up and then going back to them, explain why they did wrong.
Explain why if they had listened, we would not be in this situation. My children are older, so I'm not going to clean up for them, but like I've shown them how to do the cleaning, I allow them to clean. But if your children are younger, of course, you can help them. And then, I've asked them how they would move forward.
The way handled the situation is a response because I'm not getting myself bent out of shape with my answer. I'm not upsetting my children even more, and I'm using it to teach them something. So you're probably thinking, how can I respond as opposed to reacting. If you haven't picked up on anything else, pick up on this right at the moment. Responses take time.
Any time you're in a situation where you feel that you will react, stop, whatever it is that you're doing, maybe you need to take a deep breath, but you. Acknowledge the feeling that you feel of wanting to react. Please do not act on it. Just acknowledge it, acknowledge the anger, whatever it is that you're feeling in that moment, acknowledge it.
Let it go. Because if you react to the situation, you probably aren't going to get far. So you acknowledge it, you take a step back, and then you begin to think about your feelings. Think about how you may have handled the situation. Think about why that person dealt with the problem, the way that they handled it.
Think about ways that person could handle things better.
And then you proceed, and here's the thing. It doesn't have to be a set amount of time. You may have to remove yourself from a situation altogether. Get up from a room, go to another room, whatever. Yes, I have done it because I know if I had stayed, I would have gone off.
I'm no different from anybody else. I'm human. And as humans, we tend to want to react, but we do not get the best responses. Our reaction is always nine times out of 10, going to garner another reaction instead of a reply. So once you feel that reaction coming up and you acknowledge it, Take some time, whether you have to walk away, whether you take a minute or two, whatever it is. Then you go to the person, and you say, this is how I'm feeling about this situation.
I understand that you've dealt with it this way. I would have dealt with it that way, but how can we come to a crossroads or come to an impasse so that we both feel good about it. And so that we both know how to move forward in the future. It's that simple. It doesn't take a lot, and yes, it's going to be hard when you first start because we are all used to just reacting, but once you get the hang of it, Your reactions are going to be fewer and far between, and your responses are going to be so much better.
Your responses are going to get you further than what you've ever thought you would be able to get. I want you to take a second and think about when you reacted instead of responding in the comment section below. Please tell me about that situation and how knowing what you know now could have handled it differently so that you responded instead of reacting.