What Is Self-Sabotaging?

Self-sabotaging is the act of destroying something deliberately so that it does not work out correctly for you. These behaviors interfere with the achievement of objectives or goals through unconscious self-handling.

There are many possible causes for self-sabotage. The reasons can be limiting beliefs, low self-esteem, goals that another person imposes, fear of failure, or fear of change, getting out of one’s comfort zone, internal conflicts, fear of not living up to the expectations of others.

Self-sabotage is a belief based on the fears set in their lives and led to failures. 

When you decide to change these behaviors, it is essential to become aware of precisely what they are before you regain self-confidence and not be afraid to make mistakes to face what needs facing.

Most people begin to self-sabotage when in stressful situations, such as committing, having a significant responsibility, and making important decisions. Some people who suffer from self-sabotage have negative beliefs such as not feeling up to it; feeling like an imposter; the excessive expectation of something to not confront it.

What Does Self Sabotage Look Like?

Self-sabotage looks like different things at different times for other people.

Procrastination

This form of sabotage is one of the most known forms. It looks like postponing or delaying things that need to be done and replacing them with meaningless non-beneficial activities.

I used to be a serial procrastinator because I convinced myself that I did my best work under pressure. Even though the work I produced was not bad, it could have been way better if I had given it adequate time.

Looking back on those moments, I know that I only did it because I was afraid of actually accomplishing my goals. Even if it was the bare minimum, giving something was better than not giving anything at all.

Truthfully, I could have saved myself so much stress by committing and sticking to the amount of time the task needed and would’ve had great results.

Don’t Finish Things

This form of self-sabotage looks like starting projects that end up half-finished or abandoned.

This form of procrastination works because you can not consider something a failure if you never complete it in the first place.

The problem is that you never know what you can do if you do not ever see anything through to completion.

Not finishing things is another form of sabotage I found myself dealing with in the past. I would start projects that I wanted to be involved in, but when things became too much or were overwhelming. I would leave it incomplete. All the while telling myself I would come back and complete it later. 

Perfectionism

This type of self-sabotage looks like constantly looking for the perfect set of circumstances to finish something.

I'm sure you have come across someone who always has an excuse for why they cannot finish something. It looks like, "I would finish this project, but the store doesn't have the material I need to complete it. I have to use this specific material because no one will give me the detailed look I want.

Perfectionism puts the person in one of two mindsets: either they feel they won't do things because they can't do them exactly right or constantly review or change the project to avoid completion.

Again this prevents the person from achieving what they are working for.

Apologies

Apologies is the last form of self-sabotage. This one can be called apologies or excuses.

Either you have done it, or you know someone else who has.  You spend time creating excuses for why you cannot complete the project and then use the excuses as apologies.

These excuses are just another way to justify your fear of change or taking a risk.

Ways You Can Stop Self-Sabotaging 

Since we now know that most of us, if not all of us, have self-sabotaged before, the question becomes how we can stop ourselves from doing it again.

Identify the behaviors

Anytime you want to get to the bottom of something, you must first identify the behavior.

No one ever wants to admit that they are the cause for things going wrong in their lives. For us to change our behaviors, we have to do some things we may not like.

This process can be as simple as looking at the things that have gone wrong in your life and the role you played in things going the way they did.

What are the common factors or patterns you see? Do you begin creating issues in relationships so they can break up with you before you feel you will get hurt?  What about on jobs? Do you only commit yourself to a specific period on jobs, so you won't run the risk of getting fired?

Yes, this may take some time, and yes, you have to pay attention to yourself and your actions, but establishing a pattern will help you change the behaviors in the end.

Learn What Sets You Off

Now that you know how you self-sabotage, you have to learn the times you sabotage. What is it that signals it is time to act out? 

Are you triggered by the tone of someone's voice that reminds you of childhood situations where you were unable to do anything? Some common triggers are boredom, fear, things going well, and self-doubt.

When I was a self-sabotage, things going well was always a trigger for me. I would not allow myself to believe that things could be good, so I would do something that would make things fall apart.

Of course, you can have other triggers that are not listed when you come across your triggers. Please keep track of them by writing them in a journal. Along with tracking the triggers, come up with at least two productive reactions to replace that sabotaging behavior.

Talk About It

Talk to the people closest to you about what is going on.

Talking about it could look like you are sharing your feelings or fears with the people your behaviors affect. Let them know that it has nothing to do with them but everything to do with behaviors you are displacing from your life.

Talking about how you carry out your self-sabotaging behavior can prevent you from continuing on the road to that behavior.